If you have found out that your partner has a sex or porn addiction, this will be totally devastating for you. This discovery or disclosure may have come out of the blue, or you may have suspected something for a while and now your worst fears are confirmed. Finding out your partner is struggling with sexually compulsive behaviours will evoke massively powerful feelings such as shock, anger, despair and helplessness. Often disclosure is a ‘drip drip’ affair with new information re-traumatising you again and again.
Questions you might ask:
- Why didn’t I realise?
- Is it my fault somehow, am I unattractive or undesireable?
- How can I ever trust again?
- Who can I talk to?
- Should I stay or leave?
How can therapy help?
It is immensely isolating as it’s difficult to share with friends and family for fear of potentially damaging and judgemental reactions. Counselling provides a safe and confidential space to talk about your myriad of emotions, explore your relationship and work out what your options might be.
Treatment offers support and understanding that you did not cause their behaviour, and you cannot control or cure it. It’s hard to comprehend and very difficult not to take personally, but it’s really not your responsibility. It’s down to them no matter how supportive you may be. Your choice is how you might move forward when nothing feels the same anymore.
I will work with you to rebuild your esteem and identity, by helping to restore your sense of safety and stability. It’s about building yourself up again, putting scaffolding in place and daily self-care, as initially even mundane daily tasks might feel overwhelming and impossible. I will help you to put tools in place to help you feel safe again in your shattered world.